the opposite of yes

i have a lot to say...not that i would ever say what all i have to say aloud, but nonetheless i am FULL of words. my mother insists that by now at 30 years old i should be over walking on eggshells and holding my tongue to spare peoples feelings who seem to trample all over mine. i agree with her totally but for some reason, i don't think God made me capable of that function, i'm defective.

i started 2010 off resolving to make "no" a complete sentence, no questions, no justifications and as this year vastly approaches it's end not only am i not saying no, i often find myself thinking of several reasons as to why i should say yes. don't get me wrong, i find it perfectly okay helping someone in need but people become users and abusers of your kindness. once they find out you'll give in to a minor request and not give any resistance they come back for more and more, but can you blame them?

im not sure if its fear of making the person upset or if i feel like i'd be letting them down if i say no...it just wont roll off of my tongue. if i do decide that i dont want to fulfill the request, i dont just come out and say no, i have an elaborate explanation as to why i cant, how i wish i could and sometimes by the end of the explanation...yep you guessed it...i've agree to go ahead and do it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! LOL!

so now that i only have 2 months left in this year, i think its fair to say that i've failed, i did not follow through with my resolution. but there's always next year right?

ttfn