Squat...Aim...Shoot

Ok so I'm a girl (you knew that) and I go potty, A LOT (number 1 you nasties)! But here's the deal...I don't generally sit on public potties however I do occasionally indulge in the toilet seat covers because I unfortunately suffer from Unpredictable Stream Syndrome. OMG! Please tell me I'm not the only lady out there suffering from this horrible debilitating disease?!?!?

Sometimes, I'm in too much of a hurry to bother with snatching a toilet seat cover, placing it on the toilet seat ever so delicately so it doesn't fall in and then reliving myself. So, being the procrastinator that I am, because by now I've held it too long, I bravely take the stance, yall know what I'm talking about, squat...aim...and shoot, only to have to stop mid stream because my aim is OFF! I am at a loss as to how us women can rectify this. Sitting bare-buttocks on the public potty is out for me, I can't do it. I actually wrote a poem about this:

its naughty, to sit on a public potty.
but some ladies just can't resist,
they would rather sit down and risk it,
than stand up and take a pi$$!

ever notice those dried up spots?
where the wetness used to be,
those aren't dried up water spots,
Its actually air dried pee!

It only takes a second,
to grab a toilet cover sheet.
to ensure that your thighs and buttocks
always stay clean and neat.

some ladies sprinkle when they tinkle,
others completely miss the hole
so if that's you, do us all a favor
and wipe that toilet bowl!

I ALWAYS leave a fresh bowl for the next occupant. I mean that's the only humane/ladylike thing to do! I guess not everyone thinks like me but I wish they would. Sometimes I walk into a stall and throw up in my mouth a little. We've got to do better ladies.

Until next time...ttfn!